Rants and Ramblings: random commentary about culture, media, politics, technology and whatnot.

let the eagle soar in aisle sixteen

On Saturday, Rob, Dari and I drove over to the Home Depot in Seven Corners. We had separate goals, Rob and I to scope out paint and light switches for the new condo, Dari to pick up supplies to construct a pinhole camera. For the most part, we followed Dari from aisle to aisle as he picked up things from his shopping list — nuts and bolts here, a hammer there, and so on. All fairly mundane … until we hit the lumber section.

I usually avoid that area of the store because, for whatever reason, I find it kind of intimidating. (Then again, pretty much all of Home Depot intimidates me.) This trip, however, we needed some wood for Dari’s new camera. Dari led the way, and we dawdled behind him. Suddenly, he turned around and, in a hushed, “I’ve got a secret” voice, whispered, “You’re not going to believe who’s in the next aisle. John Ashcroft.”

Our curiosity piqued, Rob and I peered around the corner and spotted an older man in a black shirt and khakis. But from behind and in profile, he didn’t look like Ashcroft. We reported back to Dari. “Are you sure it’s him?”

Dari was steadfast: This was our man. So there was only one thing we could do to be absolutely sure: walk by him, hopefully as innocuously as possible, and try to get a better look. So Rob and I entered the “forbidden territory” of the lumber aisle and strolled toward the man in black and khaki. As we approached, I still wasn’t sure. But then he turned around, toward his wife, and I finally had a clear view of his face. Holy crap, it’s Ashcroft!

I struggled not to stare or ruin my poker face as we walked past him to the end of the aisle and around the corner.

It was so surreal. For one, I’d just assumed that he’d gone back to Missouri after stepping down as attorney general. But more importantly, it’s just incredibly bizarre to bump into someone famous (or notorious, depending on your political leanings) doing ordinary things — like, apparently, fixing up his house. Politicos do their own home improvement projects? Or go grocery shopping? (At a party we went to that night, one of the attendees mentioned that Ashcroft used to shop at his Capitol Hill neighborhood grocery store, Secret Service in tow.) This is a man whose name (or a particular vocal performance) has been pretty frequently invoked on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. In my mind, all those high-ranking government folks are off in their own bubbles, separate from the common folk. Yet here’s John Ashcroft, shopping for lumber at the Home Depot.

So weird.